How Do I Get My Child Off Their Device?

I recently received this question from a parent. 

"My daughter is 12 years old and was recently given her first smartphone. She's thrilled with the new device and spends all her free time on it, playing games and chatting with friends. I have set a rule that she can only use her phone for an hour a day, but she's been ignoring it and staying up late into the night. I have tried talking to her about it, but she gets defensive and says I'm trying to ruin her fun. I have even tried taking the phone away, but she refuses to hand it over. I'm seriously worried about the impact this screen time is having on her behaviour. She has become more irritable and moody. You're at a loss on what to do, you don't want to take away her phone as it's her only means of communication with her friends, but you also don't want her to be addicted to her phone. How do I deal with this?"

As parents, we all want what's best for our children. But sometimes, knowing how to handle certain situations can be challenging, like when our child needs to stick to our screen time rules. Here are a few tips to help you navigate this tricky territory.

First, it's essential to set some boundaries with fair consequences. This might mean putting a time limit for device use or establishing specific times of day when devices are not allowed. It's essential to be clear and consistent with these rules and to follow through with the consequences when they are not followed.

Next, brainstorm fun things to do off the device. This might include going for a walk, playing a game together, or reading a book. Encourage your child to explore other interests and activities that can be just as engaging and enjoyable as screen time.

It's also important not to get into a tussle with your child over their device. This can escalate quickly and only make the situation worse. Instead, deal with tantrums as you would for any other over-the-top outburst - stay nearby and supportive, but don't give in.

Physical violence is not an acceptable response to any situation, and it's essential to have clear consequences for this behaviour. This can include losing device privileges or other appropriate consequences.

Brainstorming positive outcomes for sticking with boundaries can also be helpful. This might include earning extra device time or purchasing a new app or game.

Start with small steps and work towards larger goals. This might mean setting a shorter time limit for device use first and gradually increasing it as your child demonstrates that they can stick to the rules.

If the situation has gone too far, it may be helpful to seek help from a specialist. We can provide guidance and support to help you and your child navigate this stressful issue.

Overall, it's important to remember that setting boundaries and enforcing consequences is not about being strict or punitive but about teaching our children the importance of balance and self-control. We can help our children learn to manage their devices healthily and responsibly with patience and understanding.

Leonie’s Top Tips!

• Be clear and consistent with rules and consequences for device use.

• Encourage other interests and activities that can be just as engaging and enjoyable as screen time.

• Avoid getting into a tussle with your child over their device. 

• Physical violence is not an acceptable response to any situation.

• Brainstorm positive outcomes for sticking with boundaries.

• Start with small steps and work towards larger goals.

• Seek help from a specialist if the problem has gone too far.

• Remember that setting boundaries are about teaching balance and self-control.

• Have patience and understanding in dealing with the situation.

• Encourage open communication with your child.